ffemt458

Im Back!!!

2007-11-22T17:26:53Z

So im back on here. couldnt keep away... or my parents cant anyway haha. Ive gained my weight all back thanks to the watchful eyes of my mom and dad plus my ex-bf on my case when i hung out with him... so im round 130-135... disgusting! i never look in the mirror w/o cringing at the sight. Im down to one meal a day again which is a stepping stone to a fast bc then my parents dont notice a real big difference when i stop eating. Today, being thanksgiving, is a bad holiday for girls with an ED like me bc we fear it to much to enjoy the holiday so im trying to enjoy what i can and let the fear only come round when im actually sitting at the table. Good look to all with everything your going thru and if you read this thanks! Makes me feel good someone is listening!

XOXO

progress...

2007-10-17T21:10:32Z

Stats:

Height: 5'7.5''
CW: 126!
HW: 147
LW:120
GW1: 120
GW2: 112

I lost 9 lbs in the last week and i am rejoicing over it (which doesn't include food)!!! Think Thin, Stay Strong!!!

XOXO

ffemt458 @ 2007-10-15T22:10:00

2007-10-16T02:12:47Z

so my last fast lasted two days and then the weekend blew it. So i started another one today and its going great so far. I tell my mom im eating at work and work that i ate at home so no food for me hehe. I have a party on Sat where my ex will be and i cant wait to see the results of my fast and show him what he could have been with!!! i wanna loook hott and skinny and be the attraction of every guy there. Doubt that will happen but i swear i will be down in weight and look good. Wish me luck!!!

Love to all my ladies!!!

XOXOX

ffemt458 @ 2007-10-12T21:12:00

2007-10-13T01:16:49Z

day one of my fasting down and it feels great! idk why but i love the feeling of an empty stomach! anyway my friend just got on my case bout how much weight i lost in the last few days and i told her flat out im not gonna stop dieting and exercising. She just kept saying how i dont need to lose weight and how i look fine. Well great for her she thinks i look fine. Doesnt help when i think i look like a huge fat a**. I look at myself in the mirror everytime i pass it and i just grip all the fat on me and want to cry. I can never get enough off. It just sucks so much. I think ill always see myself as fat but i mean its part of my problem and at this point i dont want to stop or get treatment....
Anyway to all my ladies that may look at this thanks for reading and caring!!!

XOXO

ffemt458 @ 2007-10-10T14:05:00

2007-10-10T18:09:30Z

so my friends have noticed me becoming "sick" a lot more. as in no energy and not feeling good. I have a few close friends who knew bout my ED but think i stopped like 4 months ago. All truth... i stopped fasting and ended up purging. No im back to fasting and all and real close friends r noticing my old ways again. I dont want to stop tho. Only good thing is that if my parents do find out they cant make me do anything bout it. Im now legally 18 and an adult and they cant force me into treatment like they couldve before so my friends threats wont scare me as much. Really annoyed bc i gained 2lbs in 3 days. it sucks. And i was fasting but got sick and shaky so i had to eat some gum bc my mom noticed the shakes. ERGG so not happy with myself right now...

XOXO

Stats

2007-10-10T03:16:58Z

New to live journal...

hw:150
lw:120
cw:133
gw:115

hopefully i can make myself less than my GW.. ill do it in intervals...

XOXO